The need for both empathy and compassion has been much talked and written about over the last two years as Covid 19 has continued to disrupt the way we live, work and connect with each other. With ‘covid struggles’ being experienced by frontline workers through to CEOs, the need to keep checking to ensure family members, neighbours, friends, colleagues, support people etc are OK, especially if they are working remotely and living alone, has become a leadership imperative. In organisations, mental health can no longer be viewed as an HR only problem.
I understand 20% of US companies now offer empathy training to their leaders and managers following research indicating the best skills for successful leadership during the pandemic are ‘listening and responding’.
As the call for more empathy and compassion continues with borders shut and family members still prevented from visiting frail and dying loved ones, the definitions between the two have become somewhat blurred, some using compassion and empathy interchangeably.
This is not surprising as they both stem from the same desire to better relate to and understand others’ experiences. Both are beneficial to individuals, families and organisations but according to Dr Jacinta Jiménez, there is a nuanced difference between compassion and empathy in everyday life. She believes “for leadership, understanding the difference and choosing our approach deliberatively is critical. It can undermine whether you and your teammates (and loved ones) will feel heard and/or supported.”
So, what is the critical difference between the two?
Empathy and compassion are both underpinned by an appreciation of other people as fellow human beings. Both require the willingness and ability to imagine and understand how others are feeling. However, the depth of our emotional involvement and choice of response can vary between the two.
The discovery of ‘mirror neurones’ suggests our ability to empathise is literally wired into our brains and bodies. It is the foundation of what Rutger Bregman describes as our universal ‘humankindness’, evoking a desire to read, understand and respond to other people’s emotions.
Empathy has been defined as our feeling of awareness towards other people’s emotions and an attempt to imagine and understand how they feel (this is often referred to as ‘cognitive empathy’).
Compassion on the other hand is also defined as “an empathetic understanding of another person’s feelings but accompanied by a desire to act on that person’s behalf” (Psychology today).
For Dr Jacinta Jiménez the defining difference is that empathy is feeling for someone “I understand what you’re going through” whereas compassion is also feeling for someone plus the desire to help “I can understand your distress and I want to help”.
Some limitations of empathy
Cognitive empathy as defined above allows us to connect not only with others at a deeper level but also with ourselves. It’s at the core of many servant-leadership, coaching and therapeutic processes.
However, a difficulty can arise from what has been labelled ‘emotional empathy’ which is not only our wish to understand how others feel but also to take on their passions and/or pain. Paul Bloom (in a book on this topic) refers to recent research in neuroscience and psychology that shows empathy can make us “biased, tribal and even cruel”. He emphasises that empathy while well intentioned, isn’t neutral as it can make us unconsciously sympathetic towards individuals we relate closely to. And conversely less likely to connect with those whose ideas and experiences don’t mirror ours.
Interestingly the ‘sym’ in sympathetic means ‘in harmony with’ leading on occasions towards the creation of ‘ingroups’ and ‘outgroups’ in many of our organisations and communities.
What makes compassion different
As previously stated, cognitive empathy is our ability to imagine ourselves in another person’s shoes. Compassion adds another dimension of a desire to help.
Underpinning good coaching practice is the use of cognitive empathy to help a coachee explore their own capabilities to help themselves. Sometimes however they may lack the energy and resources to do this. Positive leadership may then be needed to fill the gap.
As an example, for older people struggling to find suitable and affordable aged care support and accommodation, empathetic words from political leaders are just not enough. What they now need is for Governments to immediately implement (action) the key findings of the Royal Commission into Aged Care.
As Paul Bloom says, “careful reasoning mixed with more distant compassion makes a world a better place”. Royal Commissions are designed to do just that.
The importance of practising both empathy and compassion
Both empathetic and compassionate leadership have been shown in multiple studies to have a positive impact on employee engagement, retention and wellbeing, especially during the Covid Pandemic. Both are needed.
Jacinta Jiménez asserts, having empathy as a starting point sets the tone for individuals, teams and whole organisations. Leaders need to recognise everyone is human and accept the fact that all employees, suppliers and customers “have a life outside work and have lives full of invisible concerns and stressors”.
Plato is reputed to have once said “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle”.
Equally the action component of compassion is what makes it so powerful. Understanding what others need to succeed and then having the compassionate desire to help them succeed is the essence of enlightened servant leadership.